Posts Tagged ‘interracial relationships’

Thoughts on Interracial Dating

I am for interracial dating, I don’t think anyone should be restricted to who they date because of race. However, I’ve noticed a couple of trends that I find problematic. I’m aware that this post is very narrow focuses only on black people and is hetero-centric.

Black men blaming black women for well…everything. It seems incredible ridiculous black men find the need to blame black women for the all the problems wrong with the “black community”.  They are constantly told by men like Tyler Perry, Steve Harvey and every black minister they have to lower their standards and should just settle down and marry. The importance of marriage constantly stressed . Apparently low marriage rates are the result of black women trifling.

When asked why marriage rates are so low black men respond it’s because black women conform to negative stereotypes and it makes them unappealing. Well I say fuck that shit. In a culture ruled by white supremacist patriarchy black women are viewed as either being booty shaking rap vixens, finger snapping ethnic comedy reliefs or token strong black women.

Ideals of beauty are obviously shaped by the dominant culture. Women of color barely appear in ads or magazines.When woc are featured in magazines they mostly have European features or lightened up. They are very thin and have long straight hair. Bleaching creams are sold in the small three self section of ethnic hair care, and natural hair is still viewed as untamed and dirty. The standard of whiteness is always being pushed in people’s faces to the point where people aren’t even aware of it. Well what does this have to do with interracial dating?

Black men are not immune to the whitewashing of black women in the media. We are all conditioned to believe that one type of woman looks more attractive than the other. We are all conditioned to believe that stereotypes actually are actually true and are not constructed and over-exaggerated. Of course this will have an impact on who we choose to date. Hence “black women conform to negative stereotypes and it makes them unappealing.” If you are told a lie enough times you start to believe it.

Black men are also portrayed negatively. They play robbers, gang members and token black friends. Their reduced to their penis size and are uncontrollable animals. They can’t control their strength or their libido. Black men are expected to conform to an extra standard of hyper masculinity. In general is it unacceptable for men to cry; with white indie rockers like Conor Oberst and Brand New though, it is becoming more acceptable for white men to belt out their emotions to the sound of a guitar ( as long as it involves bashing women). When you have rappers grabbing their dick all the time and saying “no homo” constantly black men are being policed on what emotions are acceptable to express. I’ve heard black girls tell me they don’t like black men because of these reasons. They are looking more for a Pete Wentz type, not 50 Cent.

Now, everyone has preferences. But to find the other half of your race unattractive is not a preference, it’s internal racism.

Who taught you to hate yourself:  Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? Who taught you to hate your own kind? Who taught you to hate the race that you belong to so much so that you don’t want to be around each other? You know. Before you come asking Mr. Muhammad does he teach hate, you should ask yourself who taught you to hate being what God made you.- Malcolm X

I don’t think everyone black man who is attracted to women should only date black women. My only problem is when conservations like this happen:

Me: You guys are so cute together.

Black Guy: Yeah she is pretty awesome. She isn’t black, which is why I like her. I find black women are only gold diggers, high maintenance and ghetto.

Me: You could have just said you liked her personality.

Now, that is obviously ridiculous. Have you meet every single black woman to make that statement? Your “preferences” are obviously shaped by bigotry.

For whatever reason, it is more acceptable for black men to bash black women and praise whiteness as opposed to black women. The social stigma of black women and white men dating brings up images of slave masters raping and abusing slaves. To praise whiteness in men is to praise the white supremacy that has marginalized black people. I guess because white women have less power than white men and the social stigma associated with them isn’t as strong, it is more acceptable.

Also, I am just worried about the white conservative philosophy spewing from black women’s mouths about how black men are just lazy.

The whole pull yourself by your own bootstraps philosophy is absolute shit. It’s ignoring how white supremacy throws 1 in 9 black men in jail. It’s ignoring the racial profiling that targets communities of color and the horrid drug war that enslaves black men in the prison system. It ignores the inadequate school system that pumps out high school drop-outs. It ignores capitalist system that puts all of us at a disadvantage, not just black men.

Basically, I find most discussions about interracial dating superficial. Instead of pointing the fingers at each other and obsessing over marriage can’t we just focus on more important subjects? Low marriages rates are just a symptom of white supremacy. Black women should not be pressured into marrying anyone just to appease the “black community”. I doubt if we pair every black man up with every black woman incarceration rates would decline.